Raising Naimah

Why do I say beware? Because once your baby can sign, she can tell you exactly what she wants… and once she has, so adorably and inimitably, signed her want to you, well… how can you refuse?

Naimah’s latest addition is “water” - quite a tricky sign, and her version is to wave her fingers across her chin (instead of placing three fingers at her chin). We’re in the middle of a high-summer heatwave, so I’m glad she’s able to remind us to keep her hydrated.

An immediate response to “water” - sure, that’s a no-brainer. But what about when the meaning expressed is less urgent - and it really doesn’t suit you to respond instantly?

Baby signers beware!

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I’m at home, I will normally express milk in the late morning and then feed Nim. But one mid-morning, she signed “milk.” So much for pumping! I don’t have a lot spare these days, so this could become an issue.

Then, this morning - well, this was my fault - I opened the curtains and said, “What a beautiful day!” And then, quoting from We’re Going On A Bear Hunt, “We’re not scared!” And I began reciting the story (with slightly different words): “Uh-uh! A potty! A small, white potty. We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no! We’ve got to sit on it!”

Before I could add the sound effects (as per the original), Nim let out a yelp of recognition - and signed “book.” I realized I hadn’t read her the bear-hunt book - one of her faves - in ages. I read it way too much when we first got it, so I basically OD’ed - and forgot about it. We had potty time, and as I was putting Nim’s diaper on afterwards, she repeatedly signed “book”!

It was really inconvenient - I had to get ready for work - but there was no way I was going to ignore the communication. In the end, Liam and I took turns reading sections of the book and eating breakfast. Admittedly, towards the end I was reading with a mouth half full of food… while Nim listened with furrowed brow.

On the subject of the potty, no joy this morning - but the holy grail appeared yesterday. First poo in the potty! Now, I’m just waiting for the moment Nim first signs “potty,” and so is the one to decide to sit on it. Will keep you posted…

The most hilarious thing happened last night. It’s a little personal (involving breastfeeding)
- but just too funny not to share.

But before I regale you, a little update on Naimah’s potty and signing progress…

Potty: After the initial amazingness, Nim took to refusing to sit on the toilet. She would arch her back and writhe so it was impossible to sit her on it. Naturally, she needed an actual potty. We bought her one a week ago. We haven’t had the holy grail of a potty poo, but we have had a few wees! And it makes her grin when I go, “Pssss…” so no matter when she successfully trains, we’re enjoying ourselves.

Signing: In the last two weeks, Nim has added “boat,” “book,” “eat” and now “hurt” (that makes 10 signs!). She amazed me by saying “Bwa” as she signed book. (She also said “bih” right after I read her the word “bib”! And on the subject of reading, she now claps and waves when she sees those words, before she hears them.)

Now for the hilarious happening. A common question from moms (I read it in magazines; we’ve had it on the BrillKids forum) is: What do I do if my baby bites me during feeding? Seems that that first bite is pretty common when babies cut their first teeth - but most babies learn not to keep doing it.

What can also happen, painfully, is a bad latch (for example, as the baby falls asleep) or a yank of the nipple (for no apparent reason - impatience maybe).

For all these little occasions, I have been taking the same strategy. [Firm voice, a la Supernanny] “NO. You hurt Mama.” [Sign "hurt."]

Well, I got yanked painfully yesterday and said, “NO. You hurt Mama.” I didn’t do the sign, and Nim - obviously expecting it - signed “hurt”! So of course, I gave her fulsome praise: “Clever girl!” etc. What mixed messages, I now realize.

I told Liam, was was reading next to me, that Nim had signed hurt. “Clever girl!” he said, reinforcing the (wrong) message. So, having gained our approval, Nim repeated the action: she gave my nipple a yank, and signed hurt!

“Ow!” I said. “NO.” And Nim started laughing, with her adorable toothy grin.

So then I started laughing.

Liam still hadn’t seen her do the sign, and I really wanted him to see it. I felt like I was doing the breastfeeding equivalent of Charlie Bit Me: “Look! Just watch her do it… OW! That really hurt!!”

And Nim and I laughed some more, and I thought, Great. How’m I ever gonna teach her not to do that now?

You know you’re really a mommy when the sight of the initials “BF” doesn’t make you think “best friends”… No, my friend, “BF” is breastfeeding!

We all know BF is great for our babies’ brains - it turns out exclusive BF is even better.

When I took Naimah for her four-month checkup, the doctor recommended I start on solid foods right away (mainly to ease my burden of night feeding). In the end, I took La Leche League’s advice and waited till Nim was six months old.

Exclusive BF up to the age of one doesn’t sit right with me somehow… looking at Nim now, at 10.5 months, with as much interest as she has in food (”Mmmm”ing till the cows come home!). If anyone knows of a baby that went on BF alone up to the age of one, I’d love to hear about it.

Here’s an interesting article I found about the benefits of exclusive BF:

Breastfeeding may improve children’s intelligence scores

Long-term, exclusive breastfeeding appears to improve children’s cognitive development, according to a report in the May issue of Archives of General Psychiatry, one of the JAMA/Archives journals. Previous studies have reported that children and adults who were breastfed as infants have higher scores on IQ tests and other measures of cognitive (thinking, learning and memory) development than those who were fed formula, according to background information in the article. However, the evidence has been based on observational studies, in which children whose mothers chose to breastfeed were compared with those whose mothers chose not to breastfeed. The results of these studies may be complicated by subtle differences in the way breastfeeding mothers interact with their infants, the authors note.

Michael S. Kramer, M.D., of McGill University and the Montreal Children’s Hospital, Montreal, Quebec, and colleagues conducted a randomized trial of a breastfeeding promotion program involving patients at 31 maternity hospitals and affiliated clinics in Belarus. Between June 1996 and December 1997, clinics were randomly assigned either to adopt a program supporting and promoting breastfeeding or to continue their current practices and policies. A total of 7,108 infants and mothers who visited facilities promoting breastfeeding and 6,781 infants and mothers who visited control facilities received follow-up interviews and examinations between 2002 and 2005, when the children were an average of 6.5 years old.

Mothers who visited a facility promoting breastfeeding were more likely to feed their infants only breast milk at age 3 months (43.3 percent vs. 6.4 percent in the control group) and at all ages through 1 year. At age 6.5, the children in the breastfeeding group scored an average of 7.5 points higher on tests measuring verbal intelligence, 2.9 points higher on tests measuring non-verbal intelligence and 5.9 points higher on tests measuring overall intelligence. Teachers also rated these children significantly higher academically than control children in both reading and writing.

“Even though the treatment difference appears causal, it remains unclear whether the observed cognitive benefits of breastfeeding are due to some constituent of breast milk or are related to the physical and social interactions inherent in breastfeeding,” the authors write. Essential long-chain fatty acids and a compound known as insulinlike growth factor I, both found in breastmilk, could be responsible for the cognitive differences. On the other hand, the physical or emotional component of breastfeeding may lead to permanent changes affecting brain development. Breastfeeding also may increase verbal interaction between mother and child, which could improve children’s cognitive development.

“Although breastfeeding initiation rates have increased substantially during the last 30 years, much less progress has been achieved in increasing the exclusivity and duration of breastfeeding,” the authors conclude. “The consistency of our findings based on a randomized trial with those reported in previous observational studies should prove helpful in encouraging further public health efforts to promote, protect and support breastfeeding.”

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What’s that expression - that it’s hardest to work with animals and babies?

Naimah, willingly, did the most beautiful belly crawl across the bed yesterday - but when I tried to get her to reproduce it this morning, she wasn’t in the mood. To be fair, she is teething again.

However, in the process of trying to film Nim crawling, I inadvertently filmed her saying “No” (”Nah, nah, nah…”) and signing and saying “More” (”Mah, mah, mah…”).

At the beginning of this video, Nim is saying “No” as we’re asking her to crawl; then, she does her classic swimming motion, legs kicking helplessly in the air. It’s her way of going, “I can’t do it! I’m stuck… Save me!” (Except now I know that she actually can move.)

In the next video, we see Nim signing and saying “More” to ask for more bubbles. The first time I ever blew bubbles for her, she was terrified of them coming close. Now, as one bursts right on her nose, she exclaims happily, “Oh!”

Nim’s favorite phrase of the moment is “Go, go!” or “Gor, gor!” - which happens to be the Cantonese for older brother. Her nationality is Chinese, so it does seem only fitting…

Coming up next: Nim belly crawling happily! With the right exposure on my camera!!

Last weekend I read an article (not available online) about early toilet training, starting from a few months of age. The author points out that kids are toilet training later and later these days, mainly due the convenience of disposable diapers.

Apparently, 95 percent of US children were toilet trained by 18 months in the 1950s, compared with only 10 percent in 2000. More shockingly, an early-childhood nurse is quoted as saying, “In the US, the average age of being diaper-free during the day is now almost four years old.”

It reminded me of the ads I used to see on TV, years ago in the UK, for “pull-ups” - diapers that can be pulled up like underpants because they’re designed for children rather than babies. The jingle went, “Mummy, wow! I’m a big boy/girl now.”

Ironic, isn’t it? But then, it’s only natural for Pampers, Huggies et al to try to put a positive spin on being a big boy or girl still in diapers. (The environmental cost doesn’t even bear thinking about.)

I’d already been thinking about early potty training, ever since I was at Buckeroo’s place (where she gives Baby Signs parent workshops) and saw her taking her nine-month-old daughter Zoe to the toilet. Since then, Buckeroo’s mentioned signing-assisted potty training in the forum, and also given us a link to Baby Signs’ potty training mini-site.

The site has an introductory video (which I recommend you watch on YouTube, as there’s no pause/fast-forward/rewind function on the site), which says:

By promoting the myth that later potty training is easier, the disposable-diaper industry has convinced pediatricians and parents to postpone training until a child is ready - advice that has led to later and later training, from 18 months to two and a half years, then three years, and now even four years old. The truth is children are ready as soon as they can communicate, and they can communicate as soon as they begin signing, typically around 12 months.

I couldn’t agree more. Although I could’ve started toilet training Naimah months ago, what has happened is that we’ve started just as she has begun communicating - and the results have been immediate and immensely gratifying (I would go so far as to use the word “moving”).

But the thing that actually made me want to try potty training right away was this paragraph from the aforementioned article:

It all started when we introduced solid food and our poor little girl became constipated. One day, she was obviously trying to poo and finding it uncomfortable, so - thinking I’d help find her a comfortable position - I sat her on the toilet. Relief at last.

Naimah is mercifully regular, but she has been constipated a couple of times, and I’ve seen her struggle - and even cry - on account of a difficult elimination. I remember someone posting on the La Leche League working moms’ group that I’m a member of that their baby was obviously straining at stool - and was that normal? The LLL Leader replied that it is - because not being able to sit up when you poo makes it harder: you don’t have the force of gravity working for you.

Yesterday morning, as I was about to give Nim her first change of the day, she started making straining noises (she actually squeaks - very cute!). I put her straight on the toilet - and off she went! The next bit amazed me. I asked, “More? Or all done?” (I couldn’t sign as I was holding her - we don’t have a potty yet.) And she immediately signed “more”! I waited… and she finished.

We did it again in the afternoon, when she started squeaking. This morning, I put Nim on the toilet and she didn’t need to go, but the cool part was that she tried anyway! You’d think a baby wouldn’t have a clue what a toilet was for, but somehow she had it worked out from the start. Then I asked, “More? Or all done?” And she signed “all done”!

The Baby Signs video continues:

Contrary to the popular belief that early potty training is more difficult and will somehow be bad for children, getting them out of diapers before age two is actually easier for parents and better for children.

Why is earlier training easier for parents? Because it’s around age two that children begin to naturally assert their independence. And when they do, they discover the word “no,” making just about everything a battle of wills, including potty training.

And why is earlier training better for children? Because wearing diapers symbolizes being a baby. For a three- or four-year-old, this can result in feelings of shame and embarrassment, feelings that can damage a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

I was already a convert to signing with babies, but this added benefit is huge. I mean, how much would it suck to be taken off the toilet before you were finished, just because you were too young to say “I ain’t done”? Naimah can already express this, and it’s all thanks to sign language.

Naimah turned 10 months old today and I finally made - and played - her her first Little Reader playlist.

I’d put if off for a while, as I was planning to make a playlist using the same words as are in Robert Titzer’s Your Baby Can Read starter video and Volume 1. I was also going to record my own voice, which is something Little Reader lets you do.

But as we rolled up to Nim’s 10-month “birthday,” I realized that starting LR was more important than creating a matching playlist (whenever I would find time for that). And the lesson is short enough for me to fit in before going to work in the morning; otherwise, I was worried that one lesson every two days would be too low a frequency to be effective (I’m in the office Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays).

Nim’s come a long way since we started the YBCR DVDs two months ago. For a start, she really enjoys them! For the first month she would fuss and cry except when there was a song playing, and we’d be lucky to get halfway through. Now, she’ll watch the whole thing - and make noises of delight while doing so.

Also, Angie has successfully taught Nim to raise her arms at the words “arms up” (one of the word sets included in YBCR). And Nim has even kicked her leg in response to the word “kick,” after less than a month of watching that word. I knew something like this might happen coz it does with other babies, but that didn’t make me any less amazed to see my 9.5-month-old comprehending a written word.

Nim enjoyed her LR lesson too - she must’ve been enthralled because she neither writhed nor bashed the keyboard. (As soon as the lesson ended, she started doing both and I raced to shut the computer down before she launched several applications.)

I’ve included animals in Spanish, Mandarin and Japanese as well as English in the playlist - so it will be interesting to see what she ends up remembering!

For anyone interested in teaching their baby to read, now’s a good time to download LR - while you can still get it for free!

The signing spurt that Buckeroo mentioned in her comment of July 7 has happened!

When B made the comment, I was pretty skeptical: Naimah had built up to the single sign of “milk” over so many weeks, it seemed implausible for her to suddenly start adding lots of new signs.

That’s the way babies work though, I guess. All of this learning is happening beneath the surface, and then, bam! One day the many fruits of all that brain labor come tumbling off the tree at once (if you’ll forgive the mixed/made-up metaphors).

In just two days, Nim went from one sign to six! Here’s how it happened…

Saturday morning: I’m changing Nim’s diaper; she’s tired and cranky and crying. I normally sign and say “all done,” but on this day, I’m putting the diaper-change stuff away as I say “all done” and look over to find her signing “all done” with a pleading expression (aww…).

Saturday daytime: Nim is signing “milk” (her first sign) freely.

Saturday early evening: We’re hanging by the pool at our recreation club as the lights come on. Like many tiny babies, Nim used to be mesmerized by lights when she was tiny, so it was one of the first signs I taught her. I see her looking at the lamppost and I sign and say “light.” To my amazement, she starts doing the sign herself (though with her palm sideways on instead of facing up).

Saturday late evening: We have returned home and run into a group of dogs (the place where we live is a mecca for dog owners). I say “doggy, ruff ruff!” and do the sign, like always. And Nim smiles in recognition. She spends some time looking at the dogs and then, as we begin to walk away, she does the sign!

Sunday lunchtime: I ask Nim if she wants more cereal (without signing) and she signs “more”! Like “milk,” this sign is now on heavy repetition.

(I also find “more” a useful sign because it reminds Nim to open her mouth during meals. She usually has a few bites and then starts daydreaming. No amount of flying the spoon around while making funny noises will make her eat, but if you just say “more,” she opens her mouth.)

Sunday evening: Liam is keeping Nim entertained in the bedroom, as I’m about to nurse her and put her to bed; she’s crying. He sings Twinkle, Twinkle to her, and she does the sign for “twinkle” (palms facing outwards, waggling fingers).

(Actually we thought that was the sign for “star” until recently; it’s actually the sign for “star” that Baby Signs teaches but not the ASL one.)

Buckeroo made a good suggestion about keeping track of Nim’s passive as well as active sign vocabulary. I wish I’d done that, but she’s understood so many signs (the ones mentioned above, plus “eat,” “drink,” “cereal” and “water” come to mind) for so long, I can’t say when they started.

But this morning was the first time we noticed her understand the sign for “boat.” Liam made it and she immediately turned her head to look out the window at the sea.

Another thing that Nim’s started doing in the last week: she starts clapping every time we say “Yay!” What’s particularly cute is that she doesn’t usually smile while doing this (as you see from the film of her on the crawling track, she doesn’t associate clapping with being happy).

It’s the same when she waves (which she’s now doing to more people than the cleaning lady and concierge). Someone will be smiling and waving bye-bye to Nim, and Nim will be waving back - but with a furrowed brow and very serious expression.

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Here are two videos I shot yesterday. The first shows Naimah crawling (against her will) on the Glenn Doman crawling track. The funny thing is that even though she’s so distressed, she still manages to clap at the end!

This shows Naimah signing “milk” and clapping. You can see what I mean about her never repeating an action (except for the clapping - once she gets started doing that, she can go on for ages). We tried for a few minutes to get her to sign “milk” again (I was signing it back to her while filming) - but to no avail!

Naimah did her first sign today. Well actually, she seems to have modelled signs before - this one (the sign for milk) has been brewing for a while.

Nearly three weeks ago, Nim did the sign for milk when we were out, and I responded by feeding her. But we had no idea whether it was real, because she never repeated it!

Then, last Tuesday, we were on the bus late in the evening and Nim was exhausted. She kept opening and closing her hand while looking completely zombified - but I couldn’t be sure that it meant anything. She did it so much though that the man standing next to her started doing it back!

Well, this morning was a little different. As on every morning, Angie tried to get Nim to do the sign for milk to me, instead of just fussing. I do the sign, and then Angie asks Nim to, and then Angie tries to move Nim’s hand (which usually doesn’t work - Nim will jerk her hand away). Well, this time, when Angie said, “Do the sign for milk,” Nim did!

What a milestone - I was so proud. Rachel de Azevedo Coleman (co-creator and host of Baby Signing Time) says 10 months is the age to expect babies to sign back at. I know other people have said as young as 6 months, but if Nim’s doing it before Rachel Coleman says she should, then I’m super-happy!

The great pointing moment happened yesterday morning, and made me and Liam laugh out loud. The day started rather strangely - Nim and I had slept in (we were both tired that night on the bus)! I woke up and realized it was 8:45 - wowsers - and Liam was about to leave for work.

Nim has never seen me jump out of bed so fast… She was really quite startled. I grabbed her and made a dash for the living room. It was a lot to take in for a newly awake 9-month-old: the sudden burst of sunlight, the hurried kisses from Daddy, and our rapid talking (“I don’t know what happened,” I said. “I was proud of my stealth shower,” said Liam - as the sound would normally wake me).

And as it was time for Daddy to go, Nim burst into life. We were standing in the foyer as Liam was about to leave, backpack on shoulder. Nim pointed at the door and said, “Aahhh!” “Yes, darling,” said Liam, kissing us goodbye. And Nim did it again - pointing right at the door just as Liam was opening it. “Yes, darling - I’m going right this minute!”

“There’s the door,” she seemed to be saying, “and you know what to do with it.”

Priceless

Angie just got back from holidays! Naimah was so happy to see her - it was adorable: she was laughing and grinning - and (of course) kicking. I could barely hold her.

I couldn’t wait to tell Angie about all the exciting developments that had taken place while she was away - “Naimah is now pointing, waving bye-bye, and noticing the airplanes that fly overhead,” I announced.

Nodding after each milestone, Angie said, “Yes, I know…” and looked at me quizzically.

“Umm… Anyway, welcome back!”